The week we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived!
For the mini challenge, the girls had to dragify a Snuggie knock off into high fashion realness. Some of the queens ruled this challenge: Coco, Detox, Alaska (lets be real you all loved her lion realness mask) and Alyssa all looked good in a “formerly gorgeous now old mistress of a geisha house in a pink kimono kind of way.”
After the mini challenge, Ru told the girls exactly what they wanted to hear: this week’s main challenge would be the Snatch Game.
Alyssa wasn’t too thrilled though, but as Jinkx reminded her, you KNOW Snatch Game is coming when you audition for the show. Every contestant should have prepared a character (we already have ours. Justin = either Paula Dean or Sharon Osbourne, and Martin = either Britney or Sophia Vergara, GET INTO IT).
The panel was slightly underwhelming compared to last year, but definitely better than season three’s train wreck of a game show.
Jinkx KILLED it as Little Edie and definitely made everyone who’s never seen Grey Gardens go out and watch it. She was hilarious and like a true improv star played off of the other girls’ mistakes.
Alaska looked JUST like Lady Bunny and really nailed her personality. Her voice did sound a little bit like a dying bullfrog, but we don’t hold that against her.
Roxxxy’s Tamar Braxton was actually hilarious, while some others, mainly Ivy’s Marilyn, Detox’s Ke$ha, and Leneysha’s train wreck impersonation of Celia Cruz made us cringe. I’m sorry Ivy but you missed an opportunity for a Kennedy joke that Ru HANDED you on a silver platter, and let Jinkx take the glory).
Alyssa. What was with that Katy Perry? Come on, girr. How hard is it to be a blowup doll?
The safe girls were Alyssa (who was basically a plastic bag drifting through the wind, but had immunity this week), Jade who did a pretty good job of Taylor Swift, and Coco, who looked and sounded JUST like Janet Jackson, which is why she should be totes mort that she was only just safe, and not funny at all.
THE RUNWAY
The Sharks
Roxxxy Andrews
On the runway, Roxxxy owned everything, her clothes were right, her hair was right, it was a special delivery of diva.
Ivy Winters
Ivy’s goldfish inspired gown was cute and punny. Suffice to say, this was definitely what saved her from landing in the bottom two this week.
Jade Jolie
Loved Jade’s dominatrix look (minus the boots with the fur. Those needed to GO)
The Chicken of the Sea
Detox
Detox was the biggest let down on the runway…sorry but Jelly Fish realness. That’s not even a thing.
Alyssa Edwards
Same makeup every week. As Jade pointed out on Untucked, Alyssa is driving a BMW tonight (Body. Made. Wrong).
Coco Montrese
This looks like a combination of Chad Michaels’ one piece from last year and Kenya Michaels’ Nicki Minaj look(s). Combined…it just looks tired.
Lineysha
Looks beautiful, but is as sharp as she is smart. Also the one leg/one arm in lace throws the whole thing off balance.
To no one’s surprise, Jinkx won the challenge despite Michelle telling her she isn’t bringing enough glam to the runway, but whatever, she’s hilarious and you can all just DEAL.
Let’s face it, RuPaul and friends have always favored the glamazons. It’s getting a little old – variety is the spice of life AND drag. We could use more queens like Jinkx.
When it came time for the bottom, Ivy’s goldfish greatness saved her drowning Marilyn, and she was safe, putting Lineysha up against Detox. We knew this was gonna be good! Detox is one of the fiercest to ever be on the show, and we know Lineysha can turn it out when she wants to, and the two brought Cher the house down.
Now everyone knows Cher is Justin’s deity and number 1 diva goddess and that after the nuclear Apocalypse all that’ll be left living on earth will be cockroaches and Cher, seated on a throne made of lesser, basic bitches and their flopped albums. But, they really did pick the worst Cher song out there.
“Take Me Home,” her one attempt at Disco, was a number 1 hit in 1979 but that doesn’t mean we needed to hear it.
Tangent aside…both queens were fierce during this lip sync, but we have to say, Detox worked that bad costume out for the performance and served us the C.U.N.T we expect in our next drag superstar.
Lineysha was sent packing and no one lost sleep over it.
Somewhere in Pittsburgh, Sharon Needles is cackling manically as she sees that the hex she put on Lineysha worked. Never come for a witch’s girlfriend in an episode of Untucked.
Pittsburgh queens= 1, Puerto Rican queens= 0 with no title yet. What is that word Lineysha used? Desastre?
Next week the girls have to work together to record a “We Are The World” style charity song, and LAWD knows these bitches probably can’t sing a note. Should be interesting…
The quirky Tammie Brown is in town. Tammie Brown couldn’t quite break the dawn and was eliminated second in season 1 by Akasha’s sinus infection. Sort of. In actuality, she didn’t know the lyrics to some godawful Michelle Williams song and just kinda gave up during her Lipsync For Your Life. She was something of a train wreck, but at the same time had a look unlike anything we’ve seen since she was on the show. We’re oddly fascinated by this one, so we’re not complaining about her return. But it probably won’t be long before we’re over our fascinaysh and start to want the real competition to start (sans her, if you haven’t caught our drift).
The original bitch is back and her name is Shannel. Shannel is by far one of the most seasoned queens the show has ever seen and one most love to hate. In season 1 she was critiqued for being too much of an ice queen and never really showing she could be vulnerable (you have to remember that this was before Raven came along). But who could forget the epic LSFYL (that’s Lipsync For Your Life for you newbies) to Whitney’s “Greatest Love of All” when her Medusa headpiece “fell off” mid-belt? Needless to say, the bitch turned it and set the standard for LSFYL’s for the entire series. Shannel has the visual look to work the runway and a boat-load (or as we say in the RPDR world, a Mystique Summers Madison-load) of confidence, but it remains to be seen if she can compete with the girls of later seasons who raised the bar even higher.
Last but not least, Nina Flowers is back and ready to get 
Pandorrrraaaaaa Boxx, our first resident funny lady is back in action and ready for the race. After her elimination was coined the most controversial by Entertainment Weekly, it comes as no surprise that she’s back for another chance. Pandora comes to us as the fan’s choice winner – she was originally a very close second to Sharon Neeldes, who dropped out of All Stars. As much as we love Ms. Needles, we’re glad it worked out this way because Pandora is one queen we definitely want to keep watching. She’s definitely got the comedic chops and knows how to work an audience, but will need to pull off more than just comedy if she wants to make it to the top 3 this time around. Her biggest criticisms in her season were about her wardrobe, so let’s hope she makes Santino eat his words this time around. And maybe she can key his car a little for us in the process.
What a sin!!! Up next is our beloved Bostonian, Jujubee (and she is STILL here)! This fabulous gay-sha returns to the race after coming in 3rd place in season 2. One of the all time fan faves, Jujubee showed off her lip syncing skills thrice, snatching the wigs off the likes of Sahara Davenport (um YAS at that “Black Velvet” LSFYL), Pandora Boxx, and Tatiana. And who could ever forget her leg-and-dairy read of the other queens during the shade-throwing, library card holding, reading challenge. Juju was sadly eliminated in the top 3, disappointing a lot of RPDR fans who hoped that season 2 would crown a queen with personality. But we have a feeling she’ll really make it far again in All Stars.
Raven
The last queen from season 2 is runner up, Raven. One of the fiercest queens the show has ever had, with one of the nastiest attitudes. We knew we’d see Raven again in All Stars, and we are quite curious to see which queens will feel her wrath this time around. We’re not going to lie, her constant maiming of Tatiana was unnecessary and unflattering, but we hope she lets the likes of Mimi Imfurst or Alexis Mateo’s receding hairline really have it. Regardless, you can expect this dark lady to serve it up this season.
Welcome back the plus sized “funny” lady, Mimi Imfurst. Can’t lie, this spot should have gone to someone else. Really…anyone else, and we can think of a whole bunch (Jessica Wild, Ongina, Mariah, Delta, Tatiana…WILLAM) would have been better. Mimi will likely cry once she realizes that her weight loss now makes her even less funny than before, causing her to get DQ’d a la Willam once the producers find out that she’s been getting Chick Fil A delivered to her hotel room, which everyone knows is like a performance enhancer for self-loathing fat gay men. Either that or Raven will unhinge her jaw and swallow her whole. Mimi was eliminated after picking up India Farrah during a LSFYL…and we would love to see her even TRY with one of these other queens.
Hecha hecha hecha p’alante! Yara Sofia is back and we could not be more excited. Yara was one queen who had plenty of talent and never truly got to show it off. Unfortunately, this queen compromised a lot of her true style during the competition (just Google her and see what we mean). Coming in fourth, who could forget when Yara was eliminated after breaking down in tears in the middle of her lip sync. Still, an expert makeup artist with body for days, Yara better be coming for these queens.
BAM! Alexis Mateo is back and we don’t care. She’s boring, not that great, and fell incredibly flat in the top 3 next to Manila and Qween Raja. We’re not sure if it’s her tired pageant drag, or her inability to emote anything other than that stupid grin, but she just does not do it for us. Again, would have loved to see someone else here, but while she was able to get through season 3 (which had limited competition) this season’s queens won’t be as forgiving.
The only Heather to return for All Stars, Manila Luzon is back for her second chance at the crown. While Manila may not be our favorite queen (she’s kind of annoying tbh), the bitch can turn it, and we expect to see more original looks walk down that runway. Manila’s given us an unforgettable LSFYL and we expect her to bring it one more time.
Latriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice! The large and in charge, chunky yet funky, big bold and beautiful, what can we say, but we want some more, Latrice motha f**kin Royale will be returning to our screens this Fall. A huge fan favorite, Latrice proved to be the first big girl who really wowed us with her poise, polish, and personality, reminding us that Jesus is a biscuit and he will sop you up! We have high hopes for this queen, but it will definitely take some new looks and originality for Latrice to take down some of these other competitors.
And last but not least, Motherdust Chad, the lady pimp, Michaels will be back for All Stars. One of the best queens in drag race history (hell, in DRAG history!) the only thing that stood in Chad’s way of a wouldabeen obvious win was the now legendary Sharon Needles. One of the nicest queens
Raja and Tyra were waiting in the ladies room to give the queens some sisterly advice. Raja stole the show and Tyra nodded and smiled a lot. It wasn’t until the latter got to kick the living crap out of Phi Phi O’Hara that she made herself useful.
Sharon gave us her own special Octopussy from Hell realness, with the return of her white contacts and snakelike fingers as she slithered down the runway.
PhiPhi delivered what was expected of her, while Chad Michaels channeled her superstar showgirl.
But it was Sharon Needles who pounced like a panther on the runway, crawling down the catwalk and working her prosthetic fingers to snatch the other queens’ wigs.
Whoa. Can you guys believe tonight’s finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race??? In sum:
#TeamNeedles
#TeamChadMichaels
#TeamAnyoneButQueefy
Phi Phi referenced Latrice’s jewelry malfunction on the runway, but it was Chad Michaels who stole the (puppet) show with her Phi Phi O’hara puppet in all of its snaggle-toothed glory.
Queefy, jealous that her dog was cuter than her, did not disappoint with some of her signature stank face over being paired with the ADORABLE bloodhound.
As always, the top 4 had to perform a Broadway style opening number to the ball, dressed as dogs themselves. It was cute but what we we really dying to see were the girls’ runway looks.
Phi Phi recycled Kenya Michael’s Nicki Minaj inspired wig and pink outfit with bedazzled pooper scooper…apparently Phi Phi needs a drag dictionary to understand what realness is. Her party girl look was fine, and though it pains us to see her succeed, her bloodhound inspired couture gave the judges what they wanted to see.
Latrice Royale underwhelmed with the day time look, though her face was perfectly beat, but her night club party girl look was flawless. In the end it was her couture look that left us wanting more, while gorgeous and simple, it just wasn’t quite enough for this stage of the game when everything depends on the wow factor.
Speaking of the wow factor, Sharon Needles delivered yet again a flawless runway performance, proving one final time that she’s the queen to beat. Her daytime look channeled casual Madonna and served a realness we haven’t seen before from her. The party girl gave us child star turned party diva on parole as she rocked ripped tights, hangover sunglasses, and an ankle bracelet. And always one to finish strong, Sharon’s final look was everything, matching white fur boots and giant curly white hair to her poodle pal.
Chad Michaels also gave some strong looks on the runway, with her daytime look flawlessly rocking a bob and beat face. The party girl look was good, though generic. It was in Chad’s last look that the controversy arose. While we thought her Cruella inspired hair and gorgeous fur wrap screamed diva, the judges thought it made her look dated.
In the end it came as no surprise that Sharon Needles won this challenge, giving her more main challenge wins than any queen in drag race history. Beat that Tyra Sanchez.
DILFs: Dads I’d Like to Frock
The girls had to decorate teddy bears and turn them into cuddly drag divas. Kenya won the mini challenge, trying to prove that her return was deserved (it wasn’t).
Sharon’s DILF proved to be a pain and got into some drama with Chad in the workroom. Luckily for Chad, she’s a fierce diva and her loving drag sister Sharon was having none of her DILF’s attitude.
Note to future contestants: DO NOT REMOVE YOUR DRAG. If there is any lesson to take away from this season, it’s that the splits are tired and you should NEVER remove everything that actually makes you a drag queen.
For the main challenge, the lady boys had to run for president of the United States with the help of guest judge Dan Savage.
As Dan Savage pointed out, if Michele Bachman can run for president, Chad “the lady pimp” Michaels should have no problem winning over the hearts of the American public.
Chad Michaels was everything, giving us regal glamour and beauty. She owned that gown, that wig, and that whole stage
Dida Ritz, while maybe not up to par for a ball, looked fierce with her hair and came to snatch the other wigs. We still can’t help but feel like there is always something missing with her ensembles.
We are pretty sure Phi Phi wore a dress she’s already worn and took the feathers off. We will say one good thing about Phi Phi, she owns mediocrity and doesn’t budge for anyone.
Latrice kind of fumbled the runway in a bedazzled corset not worthy of the next president. But her mug was flawless. Ultimately this will be the fall of our beloved Latrice – her face is always beat and she is consistently beautiful in her night gowns…but that’s as far as it goes.
Sharon worked it out in a nude nearly see-through gown with black gloves and corset, and rocked a spooky yet glamorous wig and face. She turned it out yet again.
J&M 