Survey Says: Snatch Game

The week we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived!

For the mini challenge, the girls had to dragify a Snuggie knock off into high fashion realness. Some of the queens ruled this challenge: Coco, Detox, Alaska (lets be real you all loved her lion realness mask) and Alyssa all looked good in a “formerly gorgeous now old mistress of a geisha house in a pink kimono kind of way.”

After the mini challenge, Ru told the girls exactly what they wanted to hear: this week’s main challenge would be the Snatch Game.

Alyssa wasn’t too thrilled though, but as Jinkx reminded her, you KNOW Snatch Game is coming when you audition for the show. Every contestant should have prepared a character (we already have ours. Justin = either Paula Dean or Sharon Osbourne, and Martin = either Britney or Sophia Vergara, GET INTO IT).

The panel was slightly underwhelming compared to last year, but definitely better than season three’s train wreck of a game show.

Jinkx KILLED it as Little Edie and definitely made everyone who’s never seen Grey Gardens go out and watch it. She was hilarious and like a true improv star played off of the other girls’ mistakes.

Alaska looked JUST like Lady Bunny and really nailed her personality. Her voice did sound a little bit like a dying bullfrog, but we don’t hold that against her.

Roxxxy’s Tamar Braxton was actually hilarious, while some others, mainly Ivy’s Marilyn, Detox’s Ke$ha, and Leneysha’s train wreck impersonation of Celia Cruz made us cringe. I’m sorry Ivy but you missed an opportunity for a Kennedy joke that Ru HANDED you on a silver platter, and let Jinkx take the glory).

Alyssa. What was with that Katy Perry? Come on, girr. How hard is it to be a blowup doll?

The safe girls were Alyssa (who was basically a plastic bag drifting through the wind, but had immunity this week), Jade who did a pretty good job of Taylor Swift, and Coco, who looked and sounded JUST like Janet Jackson, which is why she should be totes mort that she was only just safe, and not funny at all.

THE RUNWAY

The Sharks

Roxxxy Andrews
On the runway, Roxxxy owned everything, her clothes were right, her hair was right, it was a special delivery of diva.

Ivy Winters
Ivy’s goldfish inspired gown was cute and punny. Suffice to say, this was definitely what saved her from landing in the bottom two this week.

Jade Jolie
Loved Jade’s dominatrix look (minus the boots with the fur. Those needed to GO)

The Chicken of the Sea

Detox
Detox was the biggest let down on the runway…sorry but Jelly Fish realness. That’s not even a thing.

Alyssa Edwards
Same makeup every week. As Jade pointed out on Untucked, Alyssa is driving a BMW tonight (Body. Made. Wrong). 

Coco Montrese
This looks like a combination of Chad Michaels’ one piece from last year and Kenya Michaels’ Nicki Minaj look(s). Combined…it just looks tired. 

Lineysha
Looks beautiful, but is as sharp as she is smart. Also the one leg/one arm in lace throws the whole thing off balance.

To no one’s surprise, Jinkx won the challenge despite Michelle telling her she isn’t bringing enough glam to the runway, but whatever, she’s hilarious and you can all just DEAL.

Let’s face it, RuPaul and friends have always favored the glamazons. It’s getting a little old – variety is the spice of life AND drag. We could use more queens like Jinkx.

When it came time for the bottom, Ivy’s goldfish greatness saved her drowning Marilyn, and she was safe, putting Lineysha up against Detox. We knew this was gonna be good! Detox is one of the fiercest to ever be on the show, and we know Lineysha can turn it out when she wants to, and the two brought Cher the house down.

Now everyone knows Cher is Justin’s deity and number 1 diva goddess and that after the nuclear Apocalypse all that’ll be left living on earth will be cockroaches and Cher, seated on a throne made of lesser, basic bitches and their flopped albums. But, they really did pick the worst Cher song out there.

“Take Me Home,” her one attempt at Disco, was a number 1 hit in 1979 but that doesn’t mean we needed to hear it.

Tangent aside…both queens were fierce during this lip sync, but we have to say, Detox worked that bad costume out for the performance and served us the C.U.N.T we expect in our next drag superstar.

Lineysha was sent packing and no one lost sleep over it.

Somewhere in Pittsburgh, Sharon Needles is cackling manically as she sees that the hex she put on Lineysha worked. Never come for a witch’s girlfriend in an episode of Untucked.

Pittsburgh queens= 1, Puerto Rican queens= 0 with no title yet. What is that word Lineysha used? Desastre?

Next week the girls have to work together to record a “We Are The World” style charity song, and LAWD knows these bitches probably can’t sing a note. Should be interesting…

It’s a Beautiful Day In The Gayborhood

This week, following the totally necessary and unsurprising elimination of Serena Cha Cha, who no one will miss or care for ever again, Ru made the girls channel their best Sesame Street acting chops. Somewhere in New York City, Manila Luzon is wearing her Big Bird costume, sipping wine out of a Teletubbies sippy cup in a dimly lit room while putting safety pins through a RuPaul doll.

For the mini challenge, Ru had the girls bring their future spawn to life and turn them into Honey BooBoo wannabees for a little ladyboy’s drag show.

Far and away the leaders of this challenge were Team Detox (portraying a hilarious Rachel Zoe) and Roxxxy, and Team Alaska and Lineysha, but let’s all be Rihannest for a second…Alaska carried them, and they won the mini challenge.

For the main challenge, the girls had to split in teams of two led by Lineysha and Alaska to create children’s shows. And of course, in RPDR style, the shows were filled with more sexual innuendo than PeeWee Herman and Spongebob combined, and had to include a fun song, a word of the day, and a life lesson.

Alaska’s team was pretty hilarious, with the exception of Monica Beverly Hillz who fizzled…again. Can we just say, the bitch had her lines in front of her in a book and she couldn’t read them. 5 G’s please. Thanks.

Alaska’s character, Buffalo Bill, was read to filth by the judges for not appearing in drag. But how can it have been all that bad if she was paying homage to the fiercest mother tucker of our generation; have we all forgotten Buffalo Bill’s man-gina? We’re fairly certain he pioneered the tuck in the 90’s. Ancient Chinese secret? Yeah, okay.

Ru and Michelle were way too hard on Alaska – she can obviously DO drag, what does she need to prove? Also with the way some of them were dressed it was obvious no one cared about their looks. If she had thrown a mop on her head and called it a wig no one would have blinked twice.

Meanwhile Detox’s chicken wiped the floor with Raven’s incarnation from the season 2 country acting challenge.

Jinkx Monsoon also nailed the challenge, and later revealed that her grandma bought her her first pink wig at 17, and is one of the biggest reasons she’s been able to do drag so long.

Such a beautiful story, no?

Up next, what we hoped to be the biggest shade since Beyonce sold Kelly and Michelle to Satan himself for her career, turned out to be exactly what we were, in fact, expecting: boring trite drama between tired old queens. Alyssa and Coco started fighting and whining about something that no one cares about. After some swearing and finger pointing, all we know is that we’re officially team Alyssa.

THE RUNWAY

LIVING!

Roxxxy, Alaska, and Detox
On the runway, Rolaskatox killed it (as expected), and all were mostly in the top, with Detox taking the win. Whether or not Alaska was top or bottom was never really confirmed. They hated her boy drag, but lived for her runway look.

Honorable Mention

Jinkx Monsoon
The outfit could have gone either way, but we do have to say that we adore Jinkx. There’s a very sincere quality about her that we love.

NURSE!

Honey MahogaNO
We’re over this one. She doesn’t impress us, especially when she comes out stampeding like an elephant in a pink maternity moo moo. Honey should take some pointers from a much more sick’ning drag queen, Aquadisiac, to learn how to really model walk.

Monica Beverly Hillz
No thanks. The flower thing around her neck was too busy – did she not take note when Serena ChoCha got read for her choke collar? Unfortunately, she’s way too flat to be in this competition.

Vivienne Pinay
Okay, let’s be real. This is just a tutu. She looked cute and we really like her, but she’s relying too much on face and not enough on the rest of the package the winner should have.

The bottom spots went to Monica Beverly Hillz and Coco Montrese, after the most ridiculous ventriloquist dummy performance of all time.

When it came down to the LSFYL, to quote Michelle Visage, Coco was no joke, and tore it up with her performance of “When I Grow Up.” As annoying as we find Coco, bitch turned it, and Monica needed to go home.

Now all that’s left is to see Honey mahogany sashay away before it’s really anyone’s game.

OOH NO SHE BETTA DON’T!

GIRRRRR, last night’s episode was on point! Or stilts, if you’re Ivy Winters.

It’s only the second episode of the season and these girls have come harder than we’ve ever seen.

This week was all about the art of the lipsync, kicking off with a mini-challenge not for the faint of DSL’s. Ru had the girls put their lips through a RuPaul-themed glory hole and LSFYL to three of her hits – Tranny Chaser, Ladyboy, and Peanutpeanutpeanutpeanutpeanutbutter.

Serena, Ivy and Detox won the mini challenge and each picked three different teams for the main challenge. That’s when Ru blessed us with one of the most genius challenges yet:  the girls had to recreate iconic scenes from Untucked by playing former RPDR royalty and lipsyncing to spoken word.

Vivienne and Lineysha brought it as Tatianna and Tyra (respectively) in the wedding dress challenge (why you tawkin?!), while Coco Montrese revived the only good thing Lashauwn Beyond ever did, and reminded us that this is not Rupaul’s Best Friend Race.

The secret star of the main challenge was Roxxxy, who could have been Mariah Paris Balenciaga and you’d never even know it wasn’t the real her, while Alyssa and Jinkx KILLED it as Shangela and Mimi Imfurst.

Alaska and Detox’s recreation of the infamous Phi Phi vs Sharon Untucked fight also had us gagging, with Alaska looking like an over-baked, messier Snooki…so…basically an exact replica of PhiPhi. We wish her voice had the capacity to squeal ten octaves higher like PhiPhi’s, but she still turned it.

THE RUNWAY
On the runway, everyone but Serena ChaCha turned it out. The real stars of this runway were the guest judges, Kristen Johnston and Juliette Lewis. The highlight was when Kristen READ Santino to Jujubee levels of filth at the judge’s table.

The “YAAAASSS”

Roxxxy
Certainly we weren’t the only ones who were oddly turned on….right? We were living for this sexy, juicy couture (cooter if you’re adventurous). Santos wants to call her Chewbaca…which is ironic because we were pretty sure he was James Earl Jones’s understudy in his Vader days.

Ivy
Serving STILTettos for days, Ivy had our jaws on the floor with her outfit. Truth be told, Ivy is an artist – between her fire breathing, stilts and other wacky pieces we’ve seen from her, we think she has the talent to go far in this competition. Not to mention, she is one of the nicest drag queens like..ever. Between Ivy and Jade, this runway was a full ring circus.

Jade Jolie
There’s only two types of people in the world: the sickening, and the Serena Chachas. Jade Jolie is one of the former.

We’re pretty sure that she snatched this out of Britney’s closet while B was at Starbucks. All we can say is…can we have one in Martin’s size?

Jinkx Monsoon 
We just love Seattle’s youngest MILF. We love her energy and her personality. As friend of J&M, White Chocolate Drizzle, said, Jinkx Monsoon gave us some Fifth Element rullness this week. We live!

Like…no

Serena Chacha
You could go parachuting in those abuelita panties.

Monica Beverly Hillz
We’re glad Monica got this out of the clearance section from the Ricky’s Halloween store before they closed for the year.

Honey Mahogany
Florence Henderson, what are you doing here and what’s wrong with your boobs?

When it came down to it, Monica Beverly Hillz was read for not bringing the ghetto attitude everyone remembers from Jiggly Caliente, and she confessed her deepest secret in a highly emotional moment, and what we were all expecting from this queen: she’s a transgendered woman.

After Ru reminded Monica that at the end of the day she is in the competition because she is fierce, Monica brought the house down in the LSFYL against Serena ChaCha. Everyone can direct their thank you notes directly to Monica Beverly Hillz for finally sending that little rugrat home.

We have to say, after this week, it really is anybody’s game. These queens brought it, and all have talent in their own right. As Coco Montrese reminded Serena in Untucked, these queens don’t have time for little boys, and they will eat them alive.

It’s still early, but we’re dying to know…who’s in your top three right now?