The Super SquirrelFriends

Last week, the queens served us by far the best episode of All Stars – this marked the first time that we actually didn’t hate the team aspect of the season.

For the mini challenge, the girls put on their flyest Air Jordanas for a game of F-I-S-H.

Something tells us that wearing skirts and heels led to a “L” on Shad’s scorecard, giving Rujubee both a phone call home.

The Runway

This episode’s main challenge called for the top four to create comic book diva characters, back-story and all, and transform themselves from mild mannered super models into super heroines and villainesses of the world.

But first, the queens had to perform an opening number which (to nobody’s surprise) Shannel took over again.

Team Shad opted for the raunchy route, serving us some Lindsay Lohan groin realness with Chad’s Fire Crotch character and her arch nemesis, Shannel’s Lactasia. Not gonna lie, it was all kind of gross in theory.

Chad’s and Shannel’s daytime looks were a little too old AARP.Chad’s super hero execution was beautiful. She looked like Katniss Everdeen and Cher’s lovechild.

Shannel’s outfit was fine, even though it kind of looked like a cross between this:

AND THIS:

Rujubee’s story took us to the planet Solaris, where Jujubee’s character, Melanina, gave people the gift of tan skin with her magical TS Gun. The pale and bitter queen, So.Phia Fierce, as played by Raven, sought to condemn people to paleness by throwing her rays of shade at them.

Jujubee and Raven did the daytime look flawlessly.

Raven’s outfit as So.Phia was sexcellent, but Juju could have benefited from some more traditional super hero accessories.

While all the girls turned it out on the runway, the judges could not find a flaw with any of these top 4, but based on the judges majority (even though Michelle and both boobs were pulling for Rujubee) Ru chose Shad as the winner.

Rujubee broke into tears as they had to try to outperform each other to Robyn.

But proving the bonds of true friendship, our vixens couldn’t outshine each other, and stood by each others sides mouthing the song in what was by far the most emotional performance yet.

After the song, Ru had no choice but to keep both of the girls around for the finale, and the crowd at boxers lost their mother effing sh*t as they should…

Stay tuned readers, next week there are no more teams and its every diva for herself.

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Monday Night Divas

We’re late. Again. Sorryboutit, but this time we were busy popping some ‘pagne in celebraysh of this week’s eliminaysh.

Alright. Let’s get into it.

Last night the girls were first challenged to become cheer leaders and create a “cheer-reading” routine. As we all know, Jujubee loves to read basic bitches to filth!

Shannel looked like a plastic surgery gone wrong victim during this challenge, but nonetheless, Shad delivered in full with their reading. And while Rujubee nailed it as well, Yarlexis won the mini challenge.

For the main challenge, the queens had to pair up with a celebrity to wow the judges with a group lipsync to a girl group version of one of Ru’s top songs, “Glamazon,” “Cover Girl,” and “Jealous of my Boogie.”

Kelly Osbourne joined Yarlexis, Kady Z was paired with Rujubee, and Shad were given the fierceeeeee Jillian Hervey (daughter of THE Wilhelmina SLAYS-HER).

In the workroom, Shannel was being a stiletto hog and choreographing the entire routine. We love her, but she doesn’t scream agile in any way. Shannel: showgirl, juggler, bossy bottom, but certainly not a dancer.

We found ourselves flashing back to season 1’s Destiny’s Child girl group challenge. But once again, her control paid off, and the queens looked sickening in a sexy bondage routine to “Glamazon.”

Kelly Osbourne rocked it with her group, expressing her joy at being a drag queen for the day. Let’s be rihannest, though. Kelly Osbourne was born a raging drag queen.

We must admit we were a bit disappointed with Yara to see the same wig we’ve seen a gazillion times go down the runway. How can you be in a girl group and only own one wig?

Rujubee had a minor setback with wannabe diva, Kady Z, who didn’t feel comfy in her big girl drag. She acted as though being contoured by Raven was like getting silicone injections in an alleyway in the slums of Rio. Nonetheless, Raven and Jujubee lip synced their hearts out and wowed us and the crowd.

The judges’ critiques were extremely nit-picky (what else is new), as nearly all the girls nailed it, but in the end, Shad won, and left Raven to lipsync against Alexis.

Alexis is absolutely no match to Raven in a lipsync, especially one that calls for any ounce of sensuality/poise/talent.

THEN…the mother FU*King sahddddde of. it. all.

Yara hit the button, letting everyone know that she didn’t think Alexis’s lip sync was up to snuff (it wasnt.) and that she could do a better job (she did.)

But in the end, no amount of Yarisma could outshine the legendary miss Raven.

Guys everywhere wish their girlfriends were hot like her.

So the lesson here, Yara Sofia, is to never, ever, ever:

And that ladies is the true T. What’ll happen next week? We honestly have no idea.

Butch Queen

Last night we were served a shocking episode from our all stars and we are still reeling. The theme of this week’s episode was “bad” and we have to say, some of the girls did bad very well.

The episode starts with Ru telling the queens that they need to deliver their best butch, bad boy look in RuPaul’s version of Guys with iPhones. The guys awkwardly draw some facial hair on and try to bring sexy back, but while most fail, Yarlexis takes home the mini challenge.

Once again, Yara carries these two. We’ve been saying this all season, and there’s nothing like an ugly mug to validate us.

For the main challenge, the queens were given 10 minutes each to pull pranks on passersby on Hollywood Blvd.

We were a bit confused. not sure when “pulling pranks” translated into getting people to walk you like a dog, but “dog” is definitely a description for some of these queens (cough, Alexis, cough).

While we’re on the subject, we just have to say, Alexis is a mess. Aside from Mimi, we can’t think another queen on the All Stars roster less deserving to be there than Alexis.

She has not grown one bit since the beginning of season three, she’s not funny, not sexy, not charismatic and it has zero to do with her being ESL. She needs to stop deluding herself into thinking that her immigrant status is the reason people think she’s a flop.

To quote Tatiana in this week’s FLAWLESSSSS Untucked segment, “Tea with Tati,” Yara gave her a free pass in season 3 by giving up, and she’s been carrying her team during All Stars (we repeat: WE’VE BEEN SAYING THIS ALL SEASON).

The Runway

“Look at all of those flaws!!” – things no one ever says about RuPaul.

On the main stage, the queens had to bring it, punk rock style, in their best bad girl drag.

Rujubee nailed it with Juju’s gothic chic and Ravens fierce Harajuku riding coat and crop, and girl you could not read her Joker Face.

Latrilla was a bit understated in the wardrobe department, but Latrice’s white makeup gave us Divine inspiration and Manila turned it out with her feathery headwear. This was a new look from Latrice (thanks Manila?) and we’re glad our girl is taking risks.

Yara Alexis Runway 3Yarlexis pulled out all the stops, but it was clear that Yara had her hand in Alexis’s entire look, from forcing her to wear creepy contacts to designing her face for her. While Yara’s dress screamed perfection, Alexis looked like an overgrown orangutan piñata.

Shad gave us exactly what we’ve been waiting for from them, serving dominatrix diva. Shannel worked it with a jeweled corset and Chad gave us some rough and toughness that she never fully delivered in her own season. Combined, these two turned it out.

This episode is always our favorite: the one where Ru asks the queens who they think should go home. Everyone says Yarlexis. When Alexis was asked, she pulled out a cheap blow at Latrice for being their “biggest” competition. It’s no wonder Latrice shot back at her inability to understand Yarlexis. Eye for an eye.

Alexis can’t take it like a big boy and goes off in rapid Spanish, shrieking like an immigrant Honey Boo Boo on amphetamines.

Once again, Alexis concludes that people don’t look at them as competition because they are immigrants. And once again, we’re all like:

You’re not competition because half your teams sucks, y’all.

Based on the main challenge on the streets of LA, Shad won this week’s challenge. Somehow that we can’t fathom at all, Yarlexis was safe, and it was Manila vs Juju in the LSFYL.

Now, for the first time in a while, we’ve grown to love Manila, but there is no way that our hometown diva bee Juju was going home last night. She lipsyncs flawlessly, and consistently, and she’s here to kill. Like, let’s talk about the whip action she had going on. She was basically like

And so it was that Manila and Latrice had to sashay away, leaving only 3 teams left. If you want our opinion (and you do) Yarlexis will be the next to go, and once it comes down to Juju, Raven, Chad, and Shannel, it’s anybody’s game.

LOLQueenz

Hello, hello, hello!

Sorry for the post delay, we were a bit busy when Hurricane Sandy wouldn’t sashay away!

This week, our All Stars attempt to make us LOL in what appears to be this incarnation’s version of the Statch Game – RuPaul’s Gaff In. Much like the Snatch Game, our queens must give us their best celebrity impersonations in a sketch comedy challenge that puts their comedy chops to the ultimate test. Pandora and Mimi are probably beside themselves.

This week’s mini challenge tested our All Stars’ synergy levels by challenging them to the T girl spin on the classic Newlywed Game.

This little exercise drew a glittery pink line between the codependent teams and the couples that know the absolute least about each other.

We love Latrila, but it’s obvious that they each other as well as Manila can throw Latrice far.

Meanwhile, we have full-fledged symbiosis with teams Shad and Rujubee. We do love Raven and Juju’s chemistry.

Was it us or did Nina and Tammie actually look like a couple?

The Gaff In

Chad and Shannel: Bette Davis and Lucille Ball
Yara and Alexis: Charro and Shakira
Manila and Latrice: Madonna and Oprah
Jujubee and Raven: Fran Drescher and Bea Arthur
Tammie and Nina: Tammie Faye Baker and La Lupe

It seems that each team had a clear winner, and a painfully obvious loser who gave us the worst case of second-hand embarrassment.

Why is Alexis even here? Does no one else find her to not only be excruciatingly not funny, but also irritating? Our eyes bleed every time she goes into her high-pitched voice of hers. The impersonation was awful because much like Phi Phi and Sonique’s problem with Lady Gaga, Shakira is a visual personality. Everything just screamed man

Charro was excellent. Made our coochie coochie coochies tingle.

Nina’s choice, La Lupe, was a poor one. It came off pretty flat and we have no idea if this impersonation was on point or awful because we don’t really know anything about La Lupe.

Latrice. Oh Latrice. We love you, but impersonations are not your thing. Your personality is so big that it makes it hard for you to take on another character.

Chad’s Bette Davis was flawless. Shannel’s Lucy could have used some work. She had tons of energy, but lacked her iconic voice.

Juju and Raven were actually both good (maybe the former better than the latter). They (along with Chad) were at the top in terms of performance, but even the best characters left something to be desired.

The Runway

Alexis: MESS. She still cannot proportion her body correctly. Yara: Sexy – She absolutely embodies 60’s mod. Love the two piece (where’s our biscuit?) – she made us want to grab a cooler full of glass coke bottles and our surf boards and hit the playa with her.

Cute. Juju and Raven looked flawless on the runway last week. Their outfits really played on each other’s. But this week, their dresses were too similar, stifling them and their personalities.

As usual, Nina’s makeup is flawless and she does a great job of running with the theme and making it her own. Tammie, on the other hand, just looks like the same ‘ol Tammie Brown. Cuckoo cuckoo bananas as usual.

Chad’s dress is by far the best outfit on the runway. But what is up with Shannel’s makeup? It kind of looks like Lucille Ball and Golem’s love child in Twiggy drag.

Latrice, stunning as ever. Manila looks great, but we agreed that she looked incredibly cross-eyed. She handled that critique incredibly well and embraced the shit out of it.

The bottom two this week were Latrila and Brown Flowers, with Latrice and Tammie doing the LSFTL. Normally, we’d equate Latrice to a boot and her opponent to an ant, but Tammie held her own. It didn’t save her, though.

We have to say, that we just hate this team dynamic. It really takes away from the competition and, more importantly, from the competitors. Bold personalities like Shannel’s and Raven’s get lost in their teams.

In fact, this setup does a disservice to the viewers — we lose the opportunity to watch incredibly talented queens like Nina Flowers compete and show us what they are made of.

If anything, this season only serves to give us context for the main event – Untucked – which has been a lot more entertaining and honest than the show itself..