Panther on the Runway, Put The Bass In Your Walk

Glamazons vs. Champions

by [J]ustin and [M]artin

After a very J&M Valentine’s Day, we are back in action to bring you a recap of Monday’s brand new RuPaul’s Drag Race. This week’s episode tested the queens’ shameless self-promotion skills, with special guest judges Natalie Cole and Glee’s Amber Riley. We are absolutely living for this season’s guest judges!

After lipsyncing for her life in last week’s episode, The Princess explained that she needs to step it up to prove that she’s much more than the “zen queen.” We love The Princess, but she really does need to bring it. We like her style and her paradoxically sweet and edgy personality, but these other queens are really going tucks to the wall.

For the mini challenge, Ru brought tears to our eyes by bringing one of the most inspiring guests she has ever had on the show, Piyah Martell. Ru challenged the queens to pair up in teams and create a butterfly head piece for Piyah.

Phi Phi’s stank face and Kenya won the mini-challenge and earned the spots of team captains for the main challenge.
As each captain assembled her team, the remaining queens whittled down to Jigglypuff and Madame LaQueer. What else is new.

Here’s the thing, guys. We understand why a captain would pick Jigglypuff last. She’s irritating and her drag doesn’t redeem her forgettable personality. Her LSFYL was to die for, yes, but that performance seems to have marked her peak.

Madame, though, has more game than some of the other queens. Her performance in last week’s main challenge was perfect, despite what some of the pressed queens think in this week’s Untucked episode. Perhaps she does more complaining off camera than on, but we like her drag and think she is incredibly underestimated.

Which brings us to newly-pubescent Kenya, who experienced her first fit of menstrual rage when she told us that Madame is disappointing Puerto Rico, the mystical island that this show has made us conclude is actually a colony of drag queens.

For the main challenge, Ru proved yet again that she is the queen of product placement. The queens were divided into two groups, each in charge of making an infomercial for one of Ru’s two latest albums. Phi Phi “led” team Champion, and Kenya “led” team Glamazon.

Phi Phi’s idea of leading was to bark “do your makeup fast” to the team and telling Sharon Needles, who is perhaps the best one on her team (next to Latrice) to “just look gothic.” In Phi Phi’s pretty little head, this is somehow a compliment to Sharon, who is probably the last person who you want to fit into a box.
Between this and the fact that Phi Phi insists that Sharon is the weakest of the bunch, we have to say that Phi Phi is a textbook example of what insecure, pressed little girls do when they realize that someone is better than them. We are over her and her underwhelming drag.

Team Glamazon

Team Champion

To sum it up, both teams had their strengths and weaknesses. Chad, Willam and Latrice were great in this challenge and made us chuckle. The Princess, on the other hand, was a bit lackluster with her delivery. Keyna and Madame LaQueer rambled in Spanish and Phi Phi made the original chonga girls facepalm themselves with her eye-roll inducing chola drag.

The Runway

This week, Ru had the girls bring out their best gold and platinum runway drag.

Milan genie-in-a-bottled and parachute-pantsed her way down that runway and did it all with fro for days. Can we have 3 wishes please? First wish, send Phi Phi home.

Chad Michaels looked flawless in gold. Her runway was gorgeous, her infomercial was hilariously 80s, and she’s in it to win it. Michelle Visage says that she wants to see the “real Chad”, but what can you do when the real you is perfection?

Willam went all out in Glamazon, strip club drag. As gorgeous as she is, we seriously can’t get past the beard.

Sharon Needles brought some jail-house rock to her platinum leather jacket and Elvis wig. She looked totally leotarded and we didn’t hate it. Every week Sharon continues to prove that she’s a strong competitor and makes us wonder whether or not this is the year that the edgy, funny girl takes the glory.

Phi Phi once again proves that she can do tired, middle-aged gotti woman realness better than anyone else. In case you haven’t noticed, gurls, we could do without this one. She has a dreadful attitude and this sort of drag don’t impress us much.

Madame Laqueer. You are not helping us defend you with this outfit. Especially because you seem to have alluded to a queen from last season, and not in a good way.

Kenya Michaels worked it out in the main challenge. Her inner Glamazon and her runway strut screamed Bebe Sahara Benet.

Unsurprisingly, Ru chose Sharon as the winner and left Kenya and Chad in good company to round out the top 3. The remnants of Madame’s winning performance last week carried her through to safety, while Princess and Dida Ritz Cracker wound up in the bottom two.

Although The Princess had a second chance, she didn’t quite live up to Ru’s standards. Dida, meanwhile, turned it out for the lipsync.

Love The Princess we may, but Dida earned her stay. At least no one can say the Princess didn’t try.

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2 thoughts on “Panther on the Runway, Put The Bass In Your Walk

  1. Phi Phi is kinda cute when she’s a man and not whining… so perhaps not so often.

    Dida really did turn it out! One of the best lip syncs in a long time! I’m happy she didn’t feel the need to go nuts or do the splits. That was a genuine and thrilling lip sync. I didn’t like her at all before this performance, but now she’s werking her way up my list.

  2. omg i could not get enough of Dida’s lipsync. i could watch her do that all day long.

    personally, i thought sharon was funny but didnt deserve to win. i thought chad michaels stole the show between her infomercial and her exquisite runway.

    and i really hope madame laqueer brings it next week cuz otherwise she’s def goin home, esp if she has to LSFHL in small ass heels

    • Totally agree about Chad and Sharon. I loved Sharon in this challenge, but Chad definitely did the best job this week. Justin made a good point the other day about Chad never saying “I should have won that challenge,” which makes me want it for her even more.

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